Unidentified violet started her Instagram account March 19 of last year, setting her profile picture to the transgender pride flag. The biography on her social media handle says “You probably know me, but not the real me. I’m a closeted girl.”
Arlingtonian conducted an interview with Unidentified Violet via Instagram direct messaging, learning about what it means to be a closeted trans girl at UAHS.
Q: Why did you start Unidentified Violet?
VIOLET: I started this account because I wanted a place where I could be myself. The origin of my username was the fact that no one really knew the real me, and those who knew me knew I wanted to be called Violet. I just put two and two together and made @unidentified_violet. It’s beneficial to have this account because I can express myself.
Q: How and when did you first know you were transgender?
VIOLET: I feel like I’ve always known I wanted to identify as female, but I couldn’t because I didn’t want others to make fun of me.
Q: What does dysphoria feel like to you?
VIOLET: Well, I’ve been depressed for a number of years. It started about the time I started puberty. I’ve always wanted to identify as female, so I was always uncomfortable with my body. But once I started puberty, I became more conscious about my body and how it was changing and becoming different. I was hoping that I could change and become like the other girls, but as time went on, I became less and less like them. I was heartbroken and started isolating myself from people, which didn’t help my mental state.
Q: How has living in UA made you afraid to come out?
VIOLET: I feel like UA has a difficult relationship with the LGBTQ+ community. On one hand, there are many people who are supportive, very easy to talk to and make you feel loved. But there are also those who don’t understand and are ignorant toward our community which is the main reason why I haven’t come out publicly.
Q: How does it feel to be misgendered even when you are closeted?
VIOLET: Despite the fact I am closeted, I do feel a little offended when I get misgendered, but I don’t blame people because I don’t correct them.
A: Why are you closeted?
VIOLET: The reason why I’m closeted is more for safety. I’ve heard too many stories of things that have happened to women at the high school that I don’t know if I’d be safe. Another issue is the fact that neither
of my parents accept me, so if I was to come out and try transitioning, I would be homeless, which could put me in further risk of danger.
Q: Now or after high school, what would be your “dream” way of living that best allows for your happiness and safety?
VIOLET: I would probably be on [Hormone Replacement Therapy] taking [Estrogen], being able to dress however I want and be surrounded by people who love and support me for who I am.
Q: Have you reached out to any support groups or talked to anyone else who is transgender or in the LGBTQ+ community?
VIOLET: I have talked with several trans people in our community, some of whom are closeted. Having this connection with other closeted people actually makes me feel closer to the LGBTQ+ community because I know I have people to talk to who are going through similar things as me.
Interview has been edited for length and clarity.